Crime of Fashion: Hot Pants

Remember Three’s Company?  It’s a window into another world, another time.  Leisure suits.  Velour jackets.  Victorian collars.  Feathered hair.  Also…hot pants.  Bloomers.  Knickers.  Short shorts.  Chrissy and Janet rocked the hot pants, there’s no doubt about it.  But once the eighties faded into obscurity, we left those crotch huggers behind.  It was for the best.  Time to move on.  It’s not you, it’s me.

Sadly, it has come to our attention that knickers/bloomers/hot pants/short shorts have been revived from their sartorial grave.  Why?  WHY?

Yes, that is indeed butt cheek you see on the right.

No matter how thin, lithe, tall, or slender you are, this look is just awkward.  First of all…guaranteed camel toe.  Yes.  High waist + no legs + tight fit = yo yo smuggling.  Even if you manage to avoid it with constant adjustment, people will be staring at your crotch, waiting for it.  Do you want people to stare at your crotch?

Bonus--these crotch huggers give you an oscar!

There’s a saying that you have to wear your clothes and not let your clothes wear you.  Another way of thinking about this is that people shouldn’t see only what you’re wearing.  They should notice you first, then your clothing.  Knickers do NOT allow that.  Hey, there’s a pair of super short shorts.  Oh, that’s Katie wearing them.

These have wings. You can use them to fly away from your fashion shame.

Bloomers–cute name, dumb look.

We declare hot pants…A CRIME OF FASHION.